Quotes

Here is a great quotes page, where I stole most of these from:

http://users.iafrica.com/p/pf/pfm/quotes.txt

The rest of them I discovered on my own. Please keep in mind that perfection, especially in quotations, is, while aimed at, completely unattainable.

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - George W. Bush

 

"You want crazy? Huh? Huh? There's only two of you left now! You think you're after ME? I'm coming to LOOK for you! You can lurch but you can't hide! HeeerrrrreeessssTerry!!!!!" - Terry Pratchett, getting excited about playing Thief 3

 

"There should be only two lines are the airport desks: 'Has Got a Clue' and 'Thick as Two Planks'." - Terry Pratchett

 

"Elvis is only dead at the speed of light. Out by Vega, he died only a year ago. Travel only a light year further along a convenient wormhole and he's still alive. Admittedly, he's also a long way away. Thank you very much." - Terry Pratchett

 

"Look at this trailer for a movie called Casshern. I have no idea what's going on, I think it's from Japan. It's startling how often those two things go together." - Tycho

 

"It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious." - Bill Hicks

 

"Also, Aragorn finally sort of washes his hair...that was the plot thread I was most eager to see tied up." - Amanda Lowery, reviewing _Return Of The King_

 

"I think it is high time Python was recognized as a Religion. People say it changed their lives. It seems to give people hope. They gather together in groups to chant mass quotes. We have all spent three days on a cross. And it would give us a very decent tax break....if Scientology can be rated a religion then Pythology ought to qualify under any decent tax system." - Eric Idle

"The problem with Leno is mainly the hair. I can't get over the fact there appears to be a badger doing a talk show." - Paul Walker

 

"Curious, the ease with which Alex is able to dictate his novel. Words flow in an uninterrupted stream, all perfectly punctuated. No false starts, wrong word choices or despair. Emma writes everything down and then offers helpful suggestions, although she fails to supply the most useful observation of all, which would be to observe that the entire novel is complete crap." - Roger Ebert, reviewing _Alex And Emma_

 

"I turned on the news. Male newsreader: "It looks -- for now -- like the Iraqui missiles have stopped dropping on Kuwait, although the all-clear sirens haven't sounded. Tonight should see the beginning of Operation Shock and Awe." Female Newsreader: "And the Big Question on Everybody's Lips is -- How will all this affect the Oscars?" Male newsreader (realising that this may be a slight gaffe, trying to fix it): "Er, the big Entertainment Question, you mean." Female Newsreader (irritated at being interrupted): "Well, it's all we're thinking about in LA." I turned off the news at that point, feeling like I was living in a rather broadly written satire." - Neil Gaiman

 

"I think I write more or less how I talk, although I say "um..." a lot more than I write it, and will occasionally in conversation drift off in the middle of a sent...." - Neil Gaiman

 

"Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Certain shortcomings in your education and upbringing cause you to read meaning into the relationships among various celestial bodies." - The Onion, from the horoscopes page

 

"You know what would be cool? A One Ring looseleaf binder. It would have one ring, and you could use it in the darkness. To, you know, bind things." - Alter Reiss

 

"Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn't have a good answer to." - Douglas Adams

 

"There's something about a real writer saying I'm a writer that makes me feel like maybe I could amount to something after all, if I just keep going." - Neil Gaiman, after reading Orson Scott Card's review of _Coraline_

 

"Your Jedi mind tricks will not work with... hey... shiny thing..." - Dan Hon

 

"Every now and then, some visionary individuals come along with a concept that is so original and so revolutionary that your immediate reaction is: ``Those individuals should be on medication.''" - Dave Barry

 

"Memo to self: even if you don't think you're going to win, write a speech. Otherwise you will wind up on the stage in front of several thousand people, finishing an impromptu speech with "****, I got a Hugo."" - Neil Gaiman

"If I look confused it's because I'm thinking." - Sam Goldwyn

 

> How come Neil Gaiman books in development as movies never actually  get made? Sunspot activity. - Neil Gaiman

"Was bitten on the cheek by a spider. Do not appear to be able to climb walls or have any kind of extrasensory abilities yet. So far I've just got a spider bite on my cheek. Seems deeply unfair, really." - Neil Gaiman

 

"I'm referred to, I see, as 'the biggest banker in modern publishing'. Now there's a line that needed the celebrated Guardian proof-reading." - Terry Pratchett

 

"There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY. There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS. I'm very probably wrong." - BSD Fortune

"For enough money, I'd be stupid." - Terry Pratchett

Ah me, I feel so deliriously de Millish.The Road To Bali

I married a can of Spam and now it wants a divorce.Unknown

Stand by for mind control! Time Bandits

Dear Benson, you are so mercifully free from the ravages of intelligence.Also Time Bandits

My hovercraft is full of eels.Monty Python's Flying Circus

This calls for a very special blend of psychology and violence. The Young Ones

Age and wisdom don't necessarily go together... some people just become stupid with more authority. Terry Pratchett

That's it, baby, when you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it! The Producers

It's so stimulating, being your hat. Labyrinth

"Let's assume, just for the moment, that you are a dishonest man."

"Assume away." The Producers

As the one man said to the other man when he was getting fed up, I'm getting fed up. The Young Ones

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Source Forgotten, sorry!

I've got a plan! And it's as hot...as my pants! Lord Flasheart, Blackadder

I'm not a cabdriver, I'm a coffee-pot! Last line of Arsenic and Old Lace

Unusually dangerous, I think you'll agree. The Dangerous Brothers: World of Danger

This must be where they empty all the old hourglasses. The Road to Morocco

"When the moon in its last quarter silvers the blossoms of the almond tree--- that's Tuesday night about nine."

"Drat, I shall be listening to Hobby-Lobby." The Road to Morocco

"He's not a real doctor, you know."

"Yes, but he's cheap."

"He gave you rabies last year."

"Well, Eddie, beggars can't be choosers."

"No, but they can foam at the mouth and eat the furniture!" Rik Mayall/Adrien Edmonson

Sam Lowry: I only know you got the wrong man.

Jack Lint: Information Transit got the wrong man. I got the *right* man. The wrong one was delivered to me as the right man, I accepted him on good faith as the right man. Was I wrong? Brazil

Van Helsing: You're a genius! Carl: A genius with access to unstable chemicals! Van Helsing

"Tolstoi made shoes," he might say. This was a fact, of course: the greatest of Russian writers and idealists had, in an effort to do work that mattered, made shoes for a little while. May I say that I, too, could make shoes if I had to.Kurt Vonnegut's Bluebeard... I think